Facing GOD

GOD - behind me

It was years ago - 1997/98 when I read for the first time the brilliant spiritual book of Paramhansa Yoganandaji:

"Autobiography of a Yogi"

This book lit a great inspiration into my soul - about the life beyond the physical plane, about God, Guru and Samadhi. All this brought new sense of my life and I went to attend "Meditation classes".

The meditation teacher gave us a copy of the picture of his Guru - Sri Chinmoy in Samadhi and told us that if we meditate concentrating on this picture we may go beyond as it was a door to higher world!

I liked the idea of "going to higher worlds" and started meditating at home, late nights about midnight.

Once I was looking at the picture and concentrating on it, I felt very relaxed and I closed my eyes then I saw a royal blue light , like a small circle just before the middle of my forehead. I wanted to meditate longer but I got a burning pain on the middle of my back just behind my heart. Then I got an idea:

Bend deep down!

and I did it.

I could not understand where this advice came from but it did help me a lot - relieved my pain and helped me to feel much more in ease and I continued meditating. Then I felt a lot of pure golden light just behind me around my back and even I saw this light through my closed eyes.

"It might be GOD!"

- I said to myself
but

Why behind me!?

Oh! how much I wanted to see God just in front of me then I would believe He really exists!

Of course God listen to every prayer and answers every wish, sooner or later, at the right time!

Later when we immigrated in the United States I became a disciple of Sri Chinmoy and I started to meditate on his picture every day, I was feeling safe and protected in his peaceful aura but
His songs in a longing voice:

"My Lord, Beloved Supreme...!"
made me feel my deep inner cry for Love!
but
Who was his Lord and his Beloved Supreme? WHO? I never knew! Who knows?

GOD for sure does know!

GOD - in front of me

Few years later my husband and I restored our love life under the guidance and almost permanent spiritual presence of his Beloved Guru - Hans.

I was so happy - My husband loves me!

I started to read On your wings of Love - on your way to God from Cyberspace Ashram for Kriya Yoga, God and Love and to follow Hans' teaching:

"Pray only to God and accept GOD as your only GURU!"

I meditated at home and before my closed eyes a big Golden Sun arose and I asked God:

"My Dear GOD am I ready for YOU to be my only Guru?"

Then in my head I heard His voice:

"If you hear me - you are ready!"

I couldn't believe God was talking to me, His voice went deep into my heart with the feeling of light, warmth and love!

I was ready to leave The Sri Chinmoy center and to join my husband in his spiritual path with Hans
The last day with Shri Chinmoy I sat in front of his picture and asked him:
"Please, let me go with my husband!"
and I felt his answer:

"Go with your husband! You should be very strong and always beside him! Never behind him! GO!"

This was his blessing

In October, 2001 my husband took me to visit Hans in the Philippines.

Hans had plenty of time to talk to us and we spent hours and hours together.

Day after day I was falling deeper and deeper in his love, and he was uplifting me higher and higher! I couldn't resist anymore the Divine power of his love, light and wisdom!

I can't say it was easy for me! Not at all at the very beginning! I had quite a few days, more precisely, a few nights in inner fight - I was like torn apart by two forces fighting upon my mind - one wanted to surrender and the other one to run away! but

Our inner being is always stronger, much more stronger than our ego!

Finally I took strength enough to look straight at the eyes of Hans, my heart opened and I felt how much I love him - my soul's light lit into my head like a shining star radiating love and joy!

Then I saw his face changing and different other faces appeared one after other - some of them loving but some I didn't want to see again!

Suddenly Hans' face and shoulders shone in golden light and the image of an ageless being appeared, revealing Divine Wisdom, Peace and Pure unconditional LOVE!

"Are you GOD?!"

I asked and my voice coming from deep inside sounded so pure and clear.

"Yes, I am!"

He said.

GOD was just in front of me, facing me and me facing Him

I wanted to cry with all the force of my voice:

"I love you! I love you so much!"